It’s been a year since I’ve been here. Not for lack of things I have/want to say. So much has happened in the last year. I’ve gained little. I’ve lost a lot. Now I’m trying to put it all in perspective.
I miss my kids. For a really long time, I was able to co-exist with their father under the same roof. For years although separated, we existed. Simple. That was until I began my first serious relationship with a much younger man. Then it became complicated. You can read about him May-December and here Soldier Bae.
I began keeping later hours and spending weekends away. I was the happiest I had been in a really long time (mostly). Well, my husband also began to notice the change in me and so without much of a discussion, he decided to leave, my youngest daughter decided she wanted to live with him and my little family was dissolved.
I know it was the right decision for the moment, I mean how much longer were we supposed to live in that state. It wasn’t fair to either one of us and after 6 years, it was time for both of us to find happiness.
But sometimes the right things are also the hardest. Everyday I miss my kids. the relationship I have with the two older ones has been tarnished because of my much younger boyfriend and how my family discovered him (another blog to come about this).
The holidays were hardest, but we got through them. These little people that I gave life to now give me life and some days I fight hard to take another step. Oddly, my youngest seems to be most accepting of the changes that have taken place. We communicate daily and I’m so grateful for our little chats.
My son, my heart, my #1….understandably he’s angry….I suppose. He is embarrassed of my relationship because there is only a 4 year age difference. but is that enough to stop talking to me?
My oldest daughter, we haven’t spoken much, she is currently working on her masters and I need her to be completely focused on that.
My youngest, thank you for trying. Thank you for making me laugh daily. And thank you for still loving me.