Empty Nest, empty heart

It’s been a year since I’ve been here. Not for lack of things I have/want to say. So much has happened in the last year. I’ve gained little. I’ve lost a lot. Now I’m trying to put it all in perspective.

I miss my kids. For a really long time, I was able  to co-exist with their father under the same roof. For years although separated, we existed. Simple. That was until I began my first serious relationship with a much younger man. Then it became complicated. You can read about him May-December and here Soldier Bae.

I began keeping later hours and spending weekends away. I was the happiest I had been in a really long time (mostly). Well, my husband also began to notice the change in me and so without much of a discussion, he decided to leave, my youngest daughter decided she wanted to live with him and my little family was dissolved.

I know it was the right decision for the moment, I mean how much longer were we supposed to live in that state. It wasn’t fair to either one of us and after 6 years, it was time for both of us to find happiness.

But sometimes the right things are also the hardest. Everyday I miss my kids. the relationship I have with the two older ones has been tarnished because of my much younger boyfriend and how my family discovered him (another blog to come about this).

The holidays were hardest, but we got through them. These little people that I gave life to now give me life and some days I fight hard to take another step. Oddly, my youngest seems to be most accepting of the changes that have taken place. We communicate daily and I’m so grateful for our little chats.

My son, my heart, my #1….understandably he’s angry….I suppose. He is embarrassed of my relationship because there is only a 4 year age difference. but is that enough to stop talking to me?

My oldest daughter, we haven’t spoken much, she is currently working on her masters and I need her to be completely focused on that. 

My youngest, thank you for trying. Thank you for making me laugh daily. And thank you for still loving me. 

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13 Reasons Why You Should Watch This Movie

So I began watching “13 Reasons Why” with my kids. I thought it was going to be another “after school type special” the kind that touches the surface of a hot topic but never delves deep into the heart of it, but I was wrong.

It was gritty and a honest look at bullying and teen suicide.

It was a bit difficult to watch as I found the main character very relatable but it did open up a dialogue with my kids regarding these very real facts that happen to kids both male and female everyday. They learned that not only was I their mom, but I was once a kid, once bullied, I was sexually assaulted by my peers more than once, labeled the school slut by school faculty and classmates alike and once attempted to take my own life.

 

 

It told my story and I’m glad that I watched it. And here is why you should watch it too:

  1. This is happening in every school in America.
  2. Bullying is not part of the J.H.S/H.S experience.
  3. 1 in 65,000 children ages 10 to 14 commit suicide each year.
  4. Know the signs.
  5. Speak to your children or anyone that you love about this very real topic.
  6. Suicide is preventable.
  7. Suicide is NOT an an attempt to gain attention.
  8. If you need someone to talk to reach out to the

    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

     Call 1-800-273-8255
  9. If you think you were sexually assaulted please call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673)
  10.  There is always hope and there is always help
  11. Know that you are not alone.
  12. Suicide is NEVER the answer
  13. I was once Hannah Baker

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

May the luck of the Irish be with you❤️🍀❤️🍀!

I’ve always celebrated ST. Patrick’s Day, I mean what’s not  to love, beer, soda bread corned beef yum. Also my oldest is 1/4 Irish so I thought it only fair to have some sort of tradition growing up. The corned beef not the beer.

But I never really felt the Luck of the Irish until 12 years ago. Here is a previous facebook status I would like to share from a year ago:

This year, I chose not to dwell on all the fear and uncertainty that we experienced in March 11 short years ago. But focus on the love and hope. Some may know my little girl  was born with a heart ❤️disorder that required emergency surgery at just 6 weeks old. She’s a fighter and after 9 uncertain days she was released from the hospital. I always say ” Its the luck of the Irish 🍀that brought her home”.

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Now she’s here cartwheeling her way into the U.S. Cheer finals. My oldest daughter is part Irish, so let’s celebrate!Today also has another significant beautiful reason for celebration. My nephew👶🏽 will be born today. Waiting anxiously for updates from beautiful grandma 

Thank you God for these gifts. 

So as you celebrate today and raise your glasses heres my wish for you all “May neighbors respect you, trouble neglect you, the angels protect you, and heaven accept you!” 

I didn’t write that lol

#MyBabyGirl #Survivor #Fighter #LuckOfTheIrish 

Update 2017: My daughter is once again going to the U.S. Finals, my nephew is celebrating his 1st birthday and I will be of course engaging in Jai’nanigans.

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Luck

How to Heal

As a mom, I would love to put my children in a bubble and protect them from certain things. Bullies and a broken heart are at the top of this list. Today I write about heart break.It is my greatest Desire to protect them when I feel that a potential partner may not be the one. Sue Me.

We never want to imagine our daughters balled up in their beds crying over some boy or girl who broke their heart but we can imagine it. But what if it’s our sons? Society teaches us that we have to raise our young men to be emotionless and strong. No crying, especially over a girl.

So to watch my own son, my only son, my grown son going through this is so heart breaking to me.I’m still feeling raw over my own heart break that occurred 6 days ago, it’s as if I am reliving it. I don’t want to give him the wrong advice. What do you do when you can’t help, can’t heal. There is no band-aid in the world that can cover this wound.

I can only tell him it won’t hurt this much next week, and hopefully much less the week after. It’s much like when someone dies, you cry and then one day you realize they are in a better place and are at peace with your feelings. My hope is that he will realize he is in a better place and move on.

I love you.

 

via Daily Prompt: Desire